A Dog Called Dapper

I have a confession.

Oh, how I wish I could keep it to myself. But the burden has grown too heavy.

You see… I… am not who you think I am.

I am… a phony.

My heart is as corrupt as they come.

I know, it’s hard to believe. You see the floppy ears. The wet nose.

The waggily tail. But those things are not the real me.

At my core, I am quite the introspect.

I think about things. Serious things. In my mind, I write treatises about the meaning of people’s intentions. I’ve got philosophies about why we’re here that would knock your world off its axis.

But… something happens to me.

People come around, and I totally lose it. I lose all integrity.

I get… vulnerable and overexcited… and… turn stupid.

It’s been this way from the start. And I just can’t seem to help it.

It’s the love. I wish I didn’t feel it so strongly. The love-  it comes over me and completely clouds all common sense until I go literally berserk…

I’ll drop everything I’m doing and start galloping towards the door… licking their faces, their ear lobes... Sit there at their feet salivating for sticks...

It’s a total contradiction.

Honestly, I should get a lawyer:

Stale kibble from filthy bowls on the floor... Solitary confinement day after perfectly sunny day…

But what do I do instead? Whatever I’m asked.

Roll over for biscuits?

You bet.

Bark the word grandma for a centimeter of hamburger?

Again and again.

Ugh, how I wish they knew my reality…

The subtle resentments I carry, listening as they speak so self-importantly about textiles and grocery lists... As if they’re the only creatures alive on the planet…

But, then they call my name all I can do is trip over my god-forsaken tail just to bury my snout between their legs.

It’s a burden too heavy to bear.

Earlier today I was interrupted from deep thought by a pat my head. “Oh look how dapper you are!” they said to me.

So perhaps they do have an inkling of my true essence. But I can’t be positive.

Maybe one day I’ll find the courage to join them at the table instead of

waiting for them to notice I’m underneath it.

But, I guess things could be worse.

I could be the hamster.

-JLK