If you grew up around a lot of people who dominated your world with their perspectives, you probably learned to see through many lenses in order to function in their worlds—to either avoid their punishment or earn their love and approval.
But the consequence of growing up like this, is that your own perspective likely got lost. And when you’ve lost your own perspective, it gets very difficult to know which lens is the ‘right’ lens to see through.
People in this predicament may slideshow through every lens that’s been forced upon them, and feel confused about which one is the accurate picture of reality.
And this confused and exhausting feeling, is what I call Lens Sickness.
People in this predicament become so attuned to other people’s perspectives in order to survive being around them, that they may even come to the conclusion that these people actually have a point.
But even if they do have a point, their point is not necessarily for you.
That’s the thing to learn. Everyone has a valid point for who they currently are in their ongoing journey through life, but not everyone has a perspective that includes more points than just their own.
And to me, this is what separates quality people from those other people who are out there battling with their blindspots and causing collateral damage by trying to dominate everyone around them bc they’re still trying to survive a childhood where they felt constantly dismissed and invalidated.
To heal from Lens Sickness, a person needs to find a lens that allows them to see a clear picture of what’s happening, with themselves included in that picture. And in my opinion, finding the right lens can only be found through developing one’s own perspective.
It took me awhile to realize that I actually have a self that’s mine that I developed, that experiences and understands life like no one else.
I had thought this self of mine was a sign of arrogance, that it was meant to be kept secret. And I assumed it wasn’t welcome in the world bc no one ever invited me to share it, and if I did, I was immediately mocked or proven wrong.
I had to figure out on my own that being alive is the invitation to share myself. That my perspective through my own lens matters.
To me, it’s so important to find and create spaces for our perspectives to be shared and received. Maybe it’s through writing or teaching or art or community service, or through genuine conversations with our kids or even with people we’ve just met.
Whatever medium a person chooses, what’s most important is that we get used to representing our perspectives out loud.
Instead of enduring the discomfort that comes from allowing another person’s point to dominate our own, or turning into one of those blindspotted individuals that tear up spaces, demanding to be heard and listened to, we can practice representing ourselves peacefully, as an invitation for others to understand us better.
And one way we can share our perspectives peacefully is by first welcoming other perspectives. By validating what’s currently so for the other person without feeling squashed by what they’ve got to say, thanking them for sharing, and then by
sharing where we’re coming from—not as a rebuttal, but as an opportunity to represent who we are and where we’ve come from.
We don’t need to go back to those old spaces from our youth to practice being heard in order to get those people’s agreement either.
The only validation we need is our own.
The weight of yourself in your own body, walking on your own path, and sharing what’s so for you on that path is, to me, how to heal from Lens Sickness. And it’s how to create a place in this world where you can be known for who you truly are.
-JLK
