Hypervigilance can be a trauma response...

 

If anyone reading this has ever felt embarrassed to have this style of coping, I thought to share a very old conversation I had with my mother…

Conversation With My Mother:

Me: I’m not sure what I should do.

My Mother: About what?

Me: Well, Chris is going out of town for work and pregnant women aren’t supposed to handle kitty litter…

My Mother: Well, Jessica, I think the only reasonable solution is for you to purchase a hazmat suit.

Me: Wow! Now, that’s a wonderful idea!

My Mother: You can’t be serious.

Me: Weren’t you serious?

My Mother: No. I was not serious. I was being sarcastic.

Me: Well, I actually think you’re on to something. With a hazmat suit, I’ll have nothing to worry about!

My mother: Oh my god.

Me: What? Call it irrational if you want, but if it gives me something less to worry about, I say it’s worth it!

My Mother: If you say so, dear.

So yes, I actually purchased an inexpensive hazmat suit from Home Depot which I indeed wore to empty the kitty litter. And I hysterically laughed the entire time all by myself walking out to the garbage bins bc I knew I officially fit the description of an insane person but I didn’t care bc my baby meant everything to me and I was still dealing with unhealed trauma and needed to do everything in my power not to hurt him.

-JLK

 
Jessica Kane